Friday, December 28, 2012

Love And All The Lies

Men would always want to take charge of the lives of women. But a real woman knows how to twist things around seamlessly. Admit it, as a woman you are strong, confident, and not afraid of almost anything. Want to know a secret? Here it is... A lot of times you will let your man feel that you're vulnerable, and incapable of doing things without him beside you. Am I right or am I right?
It's funny when you say you never lied to your partner. But when you really think about it, you sometimes do right? It's a way to make them feel that they're somewhat in control of our lives when in fact we do. This makes life more interesting and balance all at the same time. 
Looking forward to making another lie... And with it comes another endless days of cuddling and never ending longing for each other's comfort and love. They say it's an endless road. I say, my road is now coming to an end. I don't have the luxury to waste my time. Just keep going and while walking that road, keep things simple. Love the way you want to love. Enjoy every minute with someone you love, with lies or no lies. Enjoy life as you take the road that will soon come to an end.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I Love The Way You Love Me

I haven't seen this coming...
I was sad, frustrated, and so alone
I got high smoking, drinking a glass or two 
(Actually, A mug really...)
But then you came into my life
And there it all ends
And there it all started

Sometimes life can be so funny. The people you love are the same people that disappoint you in ways you can never imagine. What surprises me is how people you don't even know exists are also the same people who will turn your world into a world with so many possibilities. Now, isn't that amazing? Amazing that the one person you thought you've given the chance to love you would turn out to be the person you've been waiting your whole life. 
I am not saying I won't light another cigarette or drink anymore. I am still not stressed free you know. But there are things that I want him to know... "Beyond my flaws and doubts, I love the way you love me..." You are the light I see within my dark clouds. We've talked about how we started just today. Frankly, I don't mind if we cannot figure out when is our anniversary. Or that we don't have it at all. And I will not wait anymore for my so called sign of roses. It's enough for me that you are in my life now. And this will keep me sane from the insane life I am right now.

All I am saying is that... "I love the way you love me..."

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Is It Really Love?

Another time to listen to my thoughts. Is it really love? I have asked myself so many times and still I doubt even my own feelings. There are so many questions like "Why do i fall in love so easily?', "Will this love last?", " Is he the right one for me?" These are just few of the questions I am hearing right now inside my head. If only I can stop worrying too much and just feel.
This is another time when almost everything in my life seems down and hopeless. I cry a lot when nobody is looking. And I cannot deny that I am slowly weakening as day's passes me by. I am so afraid where this would lead me. But somehow when all is lost, I found him. A person that keeps me up when I am about to give up. For now, I found him and I am crossing my fingers that  he will stay till the end.
I have come to realize one thing while writing this post. Most of the time the mind cannot explain what the heart can. Only the heart understands while the mind is left wondering what is happening. Is it really love? I don't really know. I just know I am happy. That is all that matters to me now.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

"Not In A Relationship But More Than Friends"

When you read something like "not in a relationship but more than friends", what does it tell you? Do you see yourself trapped in this kind of "not in a relationship" thing? So many questions are running around my head these past few weeks. Either I'll find the answers to my questions while writing it down or these questions that I have will just be left hanging around for years. Tell me, what are the boundaries set  between being lovers and just friends?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Don't Lie, Be True To Your Feelings?

This image caught my eyes just right after I've opened my facebook. It struck as lightning that I was shocked for few minutes. Don't lie, be true to your feelings? Do I have to? Can I just stay forever on this shell that I've built years ago? I led myself to believe those lies and lived with it without finding my way out. Do I make sense at all? I don't even have the slightest clue anymore what is a lie and what is real now. I am so confused that sleepless nights are here again. What do I do now? What do you think?

So many questions every night, no answers at all. Just one thing though. I have to get the courage somewhere, somehow to face the truth, accept what is real and stop being a liar to myself. I will keep on telling myself, "Don't lie, be true to your feelings". Till finally I listen to me.

Friday, June 29, 2012

To Feel or Not To Feel

So many thoughts, so little time to write. Or maybe, not the time but the urge to write about all of it. I will just start to write now what my new found friend is telling me right at this moment. I just hope it will help me also figure out what exactly is on my mind right now. I want to help her lessen the pain she's feeling. And I know after this, I will find the answers to some of my thoughts too.
After breaking up with her boyfriend, she started seeing me regularly. And she said to keep her from tears, she also started dating some guys. This keeps her busy for a few weeks now. She laughs a lot, but as her friend I can see sadness hiding through her eyes. I kept on thinking ever since we've met why she trusted me enough to confide in me when I am just a new person in her life. She said she feels that I know what she's feeling right now. But how? I asked her. She said she just knew from the first moment we set eyes on each other. 
Why? Somehow I feel what she's feeling right now. Only difference is that I've stopped feeling and stopped dating at all. I often feel such emptiness that I don't want anybody to be near me. I don't like this at all. You know, becoming the person that I am not. Some people who I thought used to care for me tell me to change myself from being a feel person to a thinking person. Unconsciously I did. And I am not proud at all. I am becoming the person they want me to be. This saddens me a lot because I love myself that way. 
I've realized one thing while my friend continuously laughs and talk about her date last few days ago. That loving and learning should always come hand in hand. No compromises, and certainly no regrets. And hopefully one of these days, I would care less to those people who want to change me for who I am. Thinking now like they want me to, they are not worth my time and certainly not my love.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Watching TV Is What Keeps Me Up

Watching TV is what keeps me up these days. People who have known the real me would not believe this at all. I don't even believe this myself. But here I am now, presently in front of the television while I write my thoughts. I know this is the right time to write while trying to understand my recent addiction.I have so many problems that I have to deal with since my mom passed away last year. I don't know where to start or how to move on. I feel so alone that watching TV is what keeps me up and makes me sane these days. I am so afraid of pouring my heart to anyone, afraid that they would either judge me or they would not listen at all. So when a Drama movie is on, I cry myself out just to relieve some pressure in my heart. I would also try to watch Comedy films and laugh till I cry. Sane or insane, it's what I do now. Hopefully, I can stop from this addiction and start learning to move on and start to be living my life again. For now, watching TV is what keeps me up till the time I realize what is fiction from reality.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Is There Someone Out There For Me?

Is there someone out there for me? This is my question for myself for a few months now. I have been trying to erase this question from my mind. But the more I try, the more it sinks in. So now I know I need to face this fact. I maybe simple to please, and easy to love, yet it doesn't change the fact that I am still alone and nothing, even me, can change that. And now, I am stopping from trying to change this fact. I don't want to exert effort again just trying to be loved. 
My heart will stop beating for now; my walls will guard me from this day on. My wishful thinking? That after me posting these thoughts of mine, someone out there will hear what my heart is telling him. And finally realize that I am just here all along for him. He will hear my question from the heart; the question: Is there someone out there for me?