I've been watching a personal video from my former classmate when I felt sudden sadness within me. Is there really a "forever " in loving a person? This is just one of those nights when I feel so alone. All I wanted then was simple life with the man I love. But I was surprised when that dream of mine was completely thrown out of the garbage and I guess not to be seen again. My question is how can you start to have that same dream again when you know it doesn't seem to exist? Will it just be a waste of time to try my luck all over again? I want to say to myself that everything will fall into their places in time. I don't know how or when, I just have the feeling it will soon. I have no answers to all of my questions yet. But for now, I will go on living and loving the best possible way I can. I will accept whatever pain and happiness that will come out of my decisions from now on. I am not afraid to be alone again. I am just sad that I know that the time will come. It will be a dragging process just like before. But I am hoping that I will stay stronger and love some more. And most of all, I know in my heart that this dream of mine will come true.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I've tried to rediscover myself for the last few months. I've been wanting to see what it's like for me now that I'm alone. ( Well, not really, in the eyes of those people around me.) It boils down to one question right now in my head... Am I happy this way??? I do hope I can find the answer while writing this down. Bear in mind though that I'm just writing these facts now just to clear my mind off some things that's been keeping me busy late at night.
The life that I was made to live in then was my own choice.And as seeing my kids grow, I can say that I'm happy that instead of having a career of my own just like the other mother's out there, I chose to stay.( He asked me to.But I didn't mind at all.) I wanted to work but I also wanted my kids to have a full time mother taking care of them not like what I've experienced during my childhood years.I was happy just to be there for them.I know that I've made the right choice. And if I'll be given the chance, I would still have that same choice. And never will I regret it.I could never exchange a successful career with the unexplained happiness of being a mother to my children.
I remember on one of our fights, he told me that it was wrong for me to do what he wanted me to do at that time. And that made me think. Maybe, he wanted me to be somebody else. After that, I've made another choice, my freedom.Loving a person is not really not easy after all. And getting to know each other will not just take you years. But rather, It will probably take you a lifetime.
I chose to be free and live my life all over again. I am proud to say that I have given all there was to give. As I'm starting all over again, I cannot argue with the fact that it's really hard to take a chance again without thinking that my past would still haunt me. I can say that for now, I am happy because I've chosen my freedom to live again. For because of this, I have found a love to keep me sane again. I am now more stronger and more eager to face my future with the person I love.