Fall For You

I never thought I would fall for you. I never saw this coming. I'm trying to tell myself to stop what started. But my heart tells me not to give you up. Love always comes with pain. Pains that I can handle as long as you are here by my side. I think this maybe the last time I would fall just like this. Fall for you means the last journey I would take before leaving this world. I just hope that the time we share would be all worth it. Worth the pain and the worries I am feeling right now. The pain I am feeling seems endless. But somehow all of these pains keep giving me the courage to keep on loving you much more than I can imagine.
I never really expected to fall for you. But I am sure now that I will never give up loving you till the end. I just hope you feel the same way I do. Promise me that I have your present and your future. And I promise that I will be yours till the end of my life. So let the journey begins.

Emptiness Inside Me

I just wonder if people around me notices the emptiness inside me. I feel like when you look straight into my eyes, you would see nothing. Like your gaze will pass through my eyes. They say that what you feel is exactly what they see. Oh well, then it's what they see in me now.
My life now is in such a mess that  I don't even know if there's a way out. I'm taking in everything and I know there's no way out. I've been trying so hard to go on and live. But a part of me already gave up. It's like I am literally dragging myself to wake up and face life everyday. I don't even know anymore what to do, or where to go. Slowly, my path of life is leading me nowhere... Then I felt the emptiness inside me...

I Love The Way You Love Me

I LOVE THE WAY YOU LOVE ME

I haven't seen this coming...
I was sad, frustrated, and so alone
I got high smoking, drinking a glass or two 
(Actually, A mug really...)
But then you came into my life
And there it all ends
And there it all started


Sometimes life can be so funny. The people you love are the same people that disappoint you in ways you can never imagine. What surprises me is how people you don't even know exists are also the same people who will turn your world into a world with so many possibilities. Now, isn't that amazing? Amazing that the one person you thought you've given the chance to love you would turn out to be the person you've been waiting your whole life. 
I am not saying I won't light another cigarette or drink anymore. I am still not stressed free you know. But there are things that I want him to know... "Beyond my flaws and doubts, I love the way you love me..." You are the light I see within my dark clouds. We've talked about how we started just today. Frankly, I don't mind if we cannot figure out when is our anniversary. Or that we don't have it at all. And I will not wait anymore for my so called sign of roses. It's enough for me that you are in my life now. And this will keep me sane from the insane life I am right now.

All I am saying is that... "I love the way you love me..."

My Transitions

I'm into what they call transitions. Its different now since I know for a fact that I have to go through this if I want changes to take place. I am now aware that everything will have to change eventually. Some people are not aware of this until these changes will hit them straight on their faces. This is why most of us vulnerable to such phases in our lives. We don't understand why we can't just stay where we are all our lives.

I am one of those people, though aware, finds it hard not to be threatened to changes. I seemed to always find the need for someone to be with me if I go to such transition. It comforts me to know that whatever will come, I know there is that one person who will not leave and will always be there for me whatever may come. But now, I feel like nobody is really there all along. I need to get used to the idea of facing life on my own. It's sad though to realize that you know you have someone yet you are still alone.

It is time to learn that you don't need somebody to go on with life's struggles. You just need somebody who will care for you and love you all through the journey you will be taking. That whatever you will need to do, He will be just there beside you all the way. Transitions are inevitable in life. Don't ever be contented that someone will tell you they will love you forever. After all, words are just words. And eventually it will all fade in time. No words can be more powerful than being physically and emotionally present beside you as you go through these changes. 

"Journey To Life"

I was left on my own just now after my kids went to bed. I felt the need to write again. I've been into my deep thoughts again for consecutive nights now. It was really exhausting since all thoughts are just from just one thing. My life now and my life before I've decided to leave my house and the person I always thought to be my life time partner. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if right decisions were made at the right time in my life. Well, who would have known that I would be here alone writing at this time when for the past years I didn't think of anything else but clean the dishes or watching television while waiting for him to come home from work. I didn't expect this at all. But I am now here and I am not regretting every decisions I have made. My world now is new to me. But I am getting used to the idea of being on my own for now.

It's quite amazing that you have the strength and the courage to face every changes in life.It will surely be a hard and long process but I know for a fact that it will be worth the while. You will surely feel like these things are really needed so you will finally have the chance not to be better but to be the best that you can possibly be. And from here you can see clearly where you want to go and what else is missing that you want to achieve. This is what I call my endless journey to life. With every journey I'm into, I always make sure that I have something I can bring as weapon to whatever circumstances I may be. It's the unconditional love that I have been giving since my first journey.And I will still continue to give this  unconditional love out till my last journey to life. 

The Road To Happiness

An early morning as always, while sipping a hot cup of coffee, my mind started to drift away again. After that, it felt like the 90's again. I was young and full of life . I didn't care then what my future would be. I got almost everything girl my age wished for. It was an easy life for me. As I was finishing my coffee, I smiled while recalling my life. It's amazing how time flies so fast. And it is also amazing how simple things back then give you so much joy. 

I'm now here again to start another journey in my life. I am now through living my life always trying to please people around me. This journey now is all about finding me and taking the pleasure of being alone in this road into my inner happiness. I know I won't be alone literally because I have my family and friends looking after me. But I know I have to be alone determining what, where, when, and how I can achieve whatever I want out of what's left with my life. This is my journey to love, happiness, and LIFE...

Experience Life And Make Memories

A storm just passed yesterday which led to no electricity, and of course no internet connection. This maybe the most dragging day I've experienced since last year. And this event gave me ample of time to think about my life now. I've survived a lot of struggles these past few months. And I find it really amazing that I am still smiling like the way I used to. I can see now my life slowly taking the path that I've chosen. I know the "now" concept that I'm living now is somewhat unrealistic for others who are always thinking of what the future will bring to them. But for me, this was the only solution I can think of to let myself have the chance to experience life one day at a time. I can say that now I am stronger and braver as days passed. 
Surviving incidents coming in and out of my life serves now as my tools in fulfilling the life I want to achieve. My only goal really is to know the real me. And the feeling of contentment follows after this. I don't really need expensive things to buy. I just want a simple but a memorable life. I am taking my sweet time to experience life and make memories that will last me my lifetime. I have learned that the real achievement a person can have is that there will be good times you can remember and relay to others when your already old. These good memories will serve as testimonies to all the journeys that I was happy to have gone through.

" A New Journey"

I have been living my life one day at a time. I have no expectations, schedules, or plans. I am now without regrets, pains, and a future in my path. Where do you think life will take me? I am now in a new journey of my life now. I have been here once or even twice, but it feels new again for me. I can say that I am happy and I will always make myself happy whatever life will take me. This is not just because I am more positive towards my life. But rather, I am contented with whatever life and love will give me.

" My Life"

I can't believe it's been now a year since my unforgettable experience in my life. It was on the 5Th of November last year when I've almost lost everything,even my life. Last year I've decided to take my life by drinking a lot of sleeping pills. I can't imagine that I will not be here right now if i did end up being dead. Sometimes i feel that it was only yesterday when I was in my 15 years of my chosen life. But now I am where my faith and fate will lead me. I'm amazed at what prayers can do to make you turn your life 360 degrees.My mind was set then that I don't have the strength and the will to live. I've asked Mama Mary to take care of my 2 kids. I went out and bought myself about 20 sleeping pills and decided to wait till night to do it. So, I went to a chapel and prayed to Mama Mary to protect my kids, my mom, and my sister. After praying, I felt my legs started to walk leaving my mind behind. Took a jeep and found myself in front of the Baclaran church. It was my first time to go there. Then something magical happened. After I've cried so much and finally said to Mother of Perpetual Help "I am now surrendering everything to you." I felt something hot went inside me. Then slowly the pain and hurt was washed out from me. I can't forget the feeling of happiness slowly enveloping me. After that everything around me changed for the better. I've learned to love myself and accept all the things I cannot change anymore. I am now a woman who finally knows what I have and what I am worth. I am thankful to Mama Mary that she has given me the second chance to live and to love.

All About Me

This is the face of a woman with two wonderful kids but still single at the age of 34. Who would've thought my life will start all over again after almost 15 years of my bitter sweet struggles? I've reduced my body with almost half of its size. But still my love and passion for life doubled just as quick as my weight went down. I cannot contain myself from loving and be loved in return. This makes my world go round. And this makes me complete all in all. I want to explore life and what i can do. And at the same time, I can say that you will continually see this face on every sites you'll ever visit. I will make myself visible for every one to see the REAL ME now...