Journey Notes For My Soul 2

April 5,2011

Dining area/Room 302

7:16PM

Drinking beer and eating chips was my thing tonight. I have so many realizations tonight. That I felt I needed to get a little tipsy just to absorb some of it. To be frank, I can say I am happy now. These passed days have helped me a lot as much as you can imagine. Thoughts of him still lingers right inside my body, even, my soul. But that doesn't change anything. I am now forgiving him and I am happy that  at a short time, it was amazing. 

A lot of friends helped me out through my lonely days when my mother was sick till she passed away. I am thankful to all of them. All in all, my few days alone were all worth it. I am now a woman that can face everything whatever comes along the way. A smile just came visibly on my face. A sure sign that I am happy writing this and sharing it to all of you.

(I Wanna Take) Forever Tonight

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What would you try if you had no fear?

If I have no fear, I guess I will try bungee jumping or anything that involves jumping.

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Journey Notes For My Soul 1

April 14, 2011

8:35pm

Dining Hall

My plan of staying in my room for almost the entire week did not push through. I have realized that their so called dining place with round tables and wooden chairs make me feel so comfortable and relaxed. I think I have come to the right place where I can free my mind and soul from everything that's been bothering me.


Faces such as the girl in the front desk would top all the good things surrounding this place. I felt like I have been here before. And I at home at last. It was quite amazing  just how in the world did I find this place for just a short time last night. Now, I am here writing for my journey notes, while sipping a hot cup of coffee and a cigar on my left hand, music filled this place. And can you believe, jazz? Which is just the right touch to this moment of  my night alone. Tell me what else can I possibly ask for right now?


My thoughts are filled with my ex boyfriend since the time my eyes opened this morning. I cannot help but wonder what would I be doing at this time if he's here with me. Well, except for endless love making, we could be just sitting just right where I am now and talk about what I see now. Or maybe I could ask him if we could go out and see Baguio during the night. Now stop!!! I am getting into that crazy "what ifs" again. He just doesn't care anymore. So why should I? But really, I just do.


Reminder for me, My journey involves getting over him and to just let him go not just physically but to let go of him here in my heart. I want to stop reminiscing about what had been and what could have been. I just also hope that the hurt will be gone for good.

Journey Notes For My Soul

DATE: Feb.14,2011

FERIONNI Rm: 309

TIME: 10:42 am

Journey notes for my soul starts now. I have started my 2 weeks of hibernation just last night. What happened to my first day is a secret only me knows. That Tuesday helped me more than I realized. I went to the bus station thinking of going on a long ride. But actually, Baguio is the only place I really wanted to visit. My mama and my ex boyfriend promised me that we will visit this place. I've decided to go on my own. After all, they cannot be with me anymore just like they've promised me.

I wanted to go here in Baguio ever since I was a child. Now, here I am alone in my rented room, with so many thoughts on the back of my mind. When I saw our bus passed the sign board which says "Welcome To Baguio", I cannot help smiling and simply said " Mama I am now here". I have to transfer to another room later because I don't like their bathroom here. Old this place maybe, I am happy I had this trip. I feel like mama is also here with me. She never left me alone after all.

Join my unforgettable journey. I just hope my journey notes for my soul will also serve as an inspiration somehow. I will try my very best to write every details of my day to day search of whatever it is I'm searching. And also hopefully you can in any way relate to my thoughts, worries, and my life.

P.S.

I've made a rule for myself that I will not use my cell phone or bring a laptop throughout this journey. I've made an exemption last night When I called a friend to say thank you for a memorable night. From now on, no cellphone and no laptop for me. So let my journey start now... 

  

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Loving Someone So Much

I was crying when I've started this post. Hopefully, by the time I pour out whatever things going in and out of mind, I will feel a lot better and it my tears will just go away. Well, at least for a while just to be able to think clearly about what I really want to do with my life. This post is not intended to hurt or make other people feel guilty about anything. I just really need to do this for myself. If ever you want to react about this, kindly just keep it to yourself. Believe me; it will not help me in any way if you will react or not. This is purely for my peace of mind.
Shocked and heartbroken for more than a week now but still pain is stabbing right through my heart. I'm just wishing it will be over much sooner. My body ached for the love I thought would last me a life time. But I was just imagining all these from the start. It hurts more to realize that you were just the only one feeling that way. Letting go now is just impossible for me to do right now, not now. My only option for now is to face tomorrow and hoping I will have the courage to just let go of him. 
Loving someone so much doesn't assure you that he will love you the same level that you do. But what is really painful is he made me believe that there is forever for us. And that belief that I hold in my heart still hopes unconsciously. I know I am fooling myself when I see the truth he is revealing to me but still looking the other way around. I just hope that after all of these, I can still love the way I did and do now.

My Transitions

I'm into what they call transitions. Its different now since I know for a fact that I have to go through this if I want changes to take place. I am now aware that everything will have to change eventually. Some people are not aware of this until these changes will hit them straight on their faces. This is why most of us vulnerable to such phases in our lives. We don't understand why we can't just stay where we are all our lives.

I am one of those people, though aware, finds it hard not to be threatened to changes. I seemed to always find the need for someone to be with me if I go to such transition. It comforts me to know that whatever will come, I know there is that one person who will not leave and will always be there for me whatever may come. But now, I feel like nobody is really there all along. I need to get used to the idea of facing life on my own. It's sad though to realize that you know you have someone yet you are still alone.

It is time to learn that you don't need somebody to go on with life's struggles. You just need somebody who will care for you and love you all through the journey you will be taking. That whatever you will need to do, He will be just there beside you all the way. Transitions are inevitable in life. Don't ever be contented that someone will tell you they will love you forever. After all, words are just words. And eventually it will all fade in time. No words can be more powerful than being physically and emotionally present beside you as you go through these changes.