I was crying when I've started this post. Hopefully, by the time I pour out whatever things going in and out of mind, I will feel a lot better and it my tears will just go away. Well, at least for a while just to be able to think clearly about what I really want to do with my life. This post is not intended to hurt or make other people feel guilty about anything. I just really need to do this for myself. If ever you want to react about this, kindly just keep it to yourself. Believe me; it will not help me in any way if you will react or not. This is purely for my peace of mind.
Shocked and heartbroken for more than a week now but still pain is stabbing right through my heart. I'm just wishing it will be over much sooner. My body ached for the love I thought would last me a life time. But I was just imagining all these from the start. It hurts more to realize that you were just the only one feeling that way. Letting go now is just impossible for me to do right now, not now. My only option for now is to face tomorrow and hoping I will have the courage to just let go of him.
Loving someone so much doesn't assure you that he will love you the same level that you do. But what is really painful is he made me believe that there is forever for us. And that belief that I hold in my heart still hopes unconsciously. I know I am fooling myself when I see the truth he is revealing to me but still looking the other way around. I just hope that after all of these, I can still love the way I did and do now.
My sister always tell me that I cannot live without having someone special in my life. Come to think of it, Maybe she is right after all. Or not... I'm asking myself sometimes if having a boyfriend is a necessity for me. My answer? No... Though I've had just a little time spent alone, it is really difference if I'm with someone or not. I think it became an advantage for me when I was left alone. It helped me figure out what I want out of life. Needing someone close to me is a nice feeling I know. But it all just a passing. Of course, I am not saying I am not in love right now or I don't find my man a blessing to me. He is one of my inspiration to become the best of what I am. But if in the future I will not have any choice but to be alone, then so be it. I can now say that I can find ways to make myself happy and contented wherever life and my love will take me. I would prefer a life without love than a love without a life. So, what do you prefer? Life without love? Love without life? You choose...
