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Watching TV Is What Keeps Me Up

Watching TV is what keeps me up these days. People who have known the real me would not believe this at all. I don't even believe this myself. But here I am now, presently in front of the television while I write my thoughts. I know this is the right time to write while trying to understand my recent addiction.I have so many problems that I have to deal with since my mom passed away last year. I don't know where to start or how to move on. I feel so alone that watching TV is what keeps me up and makes me sane these days. I am so afraid of pouring my heart to anyone, afraid that they would either judge me or they would not listen at all. So when a Drama movie is on, I cry myself out just to relieve some pressure in my heart. I would also try to watch Comedy films and laugh till I cry. Sane or insane, it's what I do now. Hopefully, I can stop from this addiction and start learning to move on and start to be living my life again. For now, watching TV is what keeps me up till the time I realize what is fiction from reality.

Is There Someone Out There For Me?

Is there someone out there for me? This is my question for myself for a few months now. I have been trying to erase this question from my mind. But the more I try, the more it sinks in. So now I know I need to face this fact. I maybe simple to please, and easy to love, yet it doesn't change the fact that I am still alone and nothing, even me, can change that. And now, I am stopping from trying to change this fact. I don't want to exert effort again just trying to be loved. 
My heart will stop beating for now; my walls will guard me from this day on. My wishful thinking? That after me posting these thoughts of mine, someone out there will hear what my heart is telling him. And finally realize that I am just here all along for him. He will hear my question from the heart; the question: Is there someone out there for me?

Journey Notes For My Soul 2

April 5,2011

Dining area/Room 302

7:16PM

Drinking beer and eating chips was my thing tonight. I have so many realizations tonight. That I felt I needed to get a little tipsy just to absorb some of it. To be frank, I can say I am happy now. These passed days have helped me a lot as much as you can imagine. Thoughts of him still lingers right inside my body, even, my soul. But that doesn't change anything. I am now forgiving him and I am happy that  at a short time, it was amazing. 

A lot of friends helped me out through my lonely days when my mother was sick till she passed away. I am thankful to all of them. All in all, my few days alone were all worth it. I am now a woman that can face everything whatever comes along the way. A smile just came visibly on my face. A sure sign that I am happy writing this and sharing it to all of you.

(I Wanna Take) Forever Tonight

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